Without my life partner, I'd...
I want to rephrase that. Without my husband I'd . . .
saying die isn't enough. There's so much more to it than that.
Words that come to mind:
wither like a potato left in the dark moldy bin too long
or an apple infested with worms laying on the brown Fall grass in the heat
waste from lack of thought, emotion, or desire
shrink and avoid the cruel world that is so heartless and complacent and too speedy for it's own good
starve (that one is just funny)
inky darkness would seep into my visions and dreams - they would become gray even in the middle where they shine the brightest
crumble like the foundation of an old farm house
sink into the nothingness of darkness
my best friend, my hope, my heart, my mind.
Screams would become so commonplace. I wonder if you can just keep screaming in your mind after the sound no longer comes out?
my laughter and my view on silly things,
my warmth in a winter bed made with flannel sheets and a down comforter,
my dreams, because my future always shows him in it. Standing next to me. Supporting me. Silently hoping that I reach, try and grow.
I'd forget the reason for a sunrise or a new day. I'd forget the reason for beauty in the world. I'd forget there had ever been song. Or light.
Pain would be a like a lecherous high school friend. I would have pain that I couldn't let go because it would be the only thing that I had left. Even though I knew it was bad for me. As comforting as a piece of barb wire. It's the only thing to feel to let me know I was still, unfortunately, alive.
Nightmares - seamless flows of terror, emptiness, and aloneness.
The world would loose me because I had lost him.
Geez - I better not ever have to be without him.
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